Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dirty 3


No pg way to put it:
Writer's Block

Totally alone right now
and totally unsdressed
I want to get fucked write now
I want to feel a mess.
I want to let it go tonight,
and actually feel the prick
of the satisfaction guarantor;
 the perfect fucking dick.
I’m speaking metaphorically
Of course I’m not that crass
I want cerebral stimulation
I want cultured brillant ass.




Tuesday, November 23, 2010

You're Awesome. You. just. are.


There’s a sole red flower in the middle of the bouquet,
It’s really the only flower I think I like today,
For it’s standing tall among all those different scouring breeds.
It’s standing long and tall, despite the possibility of weeds.
For it knows that it’s a beauty, it doesn’t need to brag,
It knows that it’s its very job to stand long and tall, not sag!




This is my version of:
"Be that thou knowst thou art,
And then thou art 
as great as that thou fearst."
-w.s.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

If I knew you were comin...



I’d like to create a product. It’s called the wake and bake,

For all who rise at dawn and feel the need for cake.

For all who prefer the smell of sugar wafting through the air

To the insidious constant ick of an alarm’s distasteful blare.

And of course you’d pop right out of bed, you wouldn’t toss or turn,

Cause if you didn’t wake right up, you’d know that cake would burn!


to be accompanied by the protagonist being a sudden millionaire entrepreneur and the line of thousands waiting to buy the illustrious wake n' bake at his lemonade stand style shop.  next pic would be of how the protagonist saved the world cause everyone was now happy.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

HOLY TOLEDO....


holy toledo, he's wearing a speedo


When he asked me to come with those big green eyes,
those challenging lips, those thick strong thighs,
I was so thrilled, so cool calm and collected...
And then he grinned: white teeth(!), i was utterly infected.

I immediately, despite my feminist theory,
dreamt of our wedding, our childrens' inquery
of how did we meet, at a bar? in a class?
And i'd say, "no perfect kids, no, we met at mass."
And they'd skip off to school, kept, fed, just in time,
and we'd go have sex, life'd be just sublime.

He's spiritual and smart, he's warm and he's funny
He's totally into me AND he has money!
He was he ideal candidate, had checks down my list.
I couldn't wait to see how he kissed!

So I pre-gamed a lot, wanted him to remember my name.
He was totally perfect so I couldn't be lame!
So i got all sauced up and we met at the bar,
he was there with drinks waiting, OH he was so up to par!

But as the night went on i was a bit dismayed, it felt a bit dull,
Not that I didn't like him, but there was just...NO pull.
I didn't want to jump him, i didn't want to make out
So i was confused.... but drunk... and thus didn't pout.

I did it anyway, it was fun, whatever...
Maybe i was in a funk, yes a funk, that's clever.
He's awesome, he's hot shit, shit, he went to Yale!
This will be a success, yes, this could not fail!

So we kept dating and I started to see,
that he was rather, well...metro...no, ok, he was just plain girly.
He wasn't Gay...but he wasn't a guy.
To me he was great, but just no so...fly(?)

"Just stick in there." i thought to myself,
"He's freaking awesome, he's good for your health!"

And Yesterday we arrived at the shore,
his hot body? the sun? Who'd ask for more?
I figured with waves and the sand, I'll finally be
As attracted to him as he was to me!

He took of his shirt, he had rippling abs,
I thought, "this is starting off well," (I was keeping tabs.)
But then again, yay for me! I was being fair!
Yum! He poured water on his perfect blond hair!
He was in these cool board shorts// WHAT!?!?...VELCRO TEAR?
OH MY GOD (thunder clap) NO NO DON'T GO BARE!

My jawed dropped as he laid down confidently next to me,
I just couldn't go on, i wanted to flee.
But here's the kicker, he wasn't nude, no no, it was worse,
He might as well have been carrying a purse.
I looked to the sea, sorta sad, but chuckled in acceptance.
This was it, i'd have to end it, no more interference.

No more fakin' it, I'd have to say no...
Poor guy had no chance once I saw that speedo.

It's Just a No.
Usually.
Pretty Much Always.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Love 1


What Clarence wrote for his Babysitter, Heather, on her Birthday…

She is the reason that I can vow…
She’s the reason I have conviction.
She’s the reason I can love with an open heart,
She’s the reason I play with my diction.
She’s the reason I love to laugh
She’s the reason I love T.V..
She knows just how to not break the rules
so life can still feel free!
She urged me forever to truth and hope,
To work from the core of my spirit.
She opened my eyes and let me be me
She’d taught me to live, not to fear it.

And the selfish part somehow sounds askew,
but the story is not whole without telling you:

So today is her day, her forever homage
Today is the day the gods blessed us
Today is the day the gods started that plan
That to be really happy, first, they’d test us.
But along the way they’d send us a guide,
A glowing inspiring soul,
Who’d show you the way through the highest of tide
Who’d help you learn how to be whole.

And if you’re lucky you’ll meet yours soon,
Hell maybe you already passed your test
But if I might say, in the most earnest way
Mines the best, mines the best, mines the best!


(with picture of little nerdy boy writing with math/english books on table and staring at sexy babysitter…biiiiig boobs and glasses....maybe the little boy is shakespeare, change the name to will....or horace if i go ancient roman... and he's like, nine.  yeah yeah, then the tv part doesn't really work. who cares. i like it. they're all aliens anyway.  I am completely sober right now. i am. really. she doth protest too much...)



oh good god look what i found. eeeek.  do you feel weird, i do.  here, this made me feel better:

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!

Truth is, I wrote this in complete and utter honesty for my most special of specials.  See if you can read it without thinking of how i corrupted it, sans title, sans pics, and then it's just exactly what i want to say to the woman I'm most grateful to have in my life...

 Happy Birthday EUUUU! 


Thursday, November 11, 2010

CATS! not a musical


Cat Play!
Or
The unfortunate but rational mind of an abusive husband to be.


Hello little kitty. 
I’m glad you’re made of foam.
Cause then I can poke you 
and you’ll still call my house home.
You’ll never know any better 
cause you’re a thing more than a cat.
But sometimes I get scared 
thinking in and around that. 
For see one day if I 
get a cat that’s real and live,
Will I wish that I could poke it? 
Cause it sure wouldn’t stay alive.


Monday, November 8, 2010

Self Help 2?


if you cannot feel you cannot do
if you cannot see you can’t get through
if you cannot swim you cannot dive
if you cannot breath you cannot thrive
if you cannot be right here and now
if you scoff or sneer or raise a brow
you may just find you miss the gist
you may just see the other girl get kissed
you may just find yourself on the side
you may just find you hate your own pride
you may just find you’re lost and confused
you may just find you’re hurt and you’re bruised

but if you get involved, like really engrossed in those simple essentials
you’ll find you’ll never have thought you’d have had so much potential
you’ll soar to the other ends of the earth
satisfied and simultaneously filled with great mirth
don’t be afraid to shake up the routine
don’t be afraid to go back to fourteen
don’t be afraid, it’s not starting anew
it’s reminding yourself what’s unequivecably true
and thus the fundamentals re ingrained and re found
you’ll know that to jump, you’ll first need the ground.



Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Individualism

For the nirvana era of teenage angsty anti conformists:  



Schmuel (the jewish stewie)


Oh vey oh vey, said shmuel, I need to go to school.
I want to read and write and appreciate what’s trite.
I want to learn what everybody already knows.
I want to learn so I can start to step on peoples toes.
I want to learn so I can tell them I know that they are wrong.
With some simple syllogism I know I can sway the throng!
I want to know the basics, the standards, and the bars
From which I can retaliate, be an alternative super star!
Cause everyone believes some plain and simple fate,
But if it’s common knowledge I start to feel the hate,
That it’s just a way to think that’s become far too diverse.
Of course you cannot fight it unless you learn it first!
And thus I shall infiltrate this educational sprawl…
And then I saw a boy when I was walking down the hall.
He was so totally cool with his binder at his side.
He had a red baseball cap and I liked his lofty stride.
I later learned his name was Peter so I sat by him in class
And then all of a sudden I felt something totally crass.
That EVERYONE liked peter, he was the nicest smoothest guy
And if I liked him too than who the hell was I?
Maybe what all these others know is not so bad,
Maybe it’s a lot like I would find if rebels weren’t such a fad.