Love 4

That weird annoying Space between the seconds…

Did this other human being impact me so deeply and so greatly,

That things would happen to me not mentally, but immediately and innately?

Such that against my will I cannot breath when I hear or read his name?

Not that the breathing stops entirely, though it comes across the same…

That it seems within that unruly moment, a million years have passed

Between the last futile funny instant and the one that’s coming fast….

And within this interim lies this strange and tingling sensation

Of something I can’t control and thus, reminds me of degradation.

It’s a powerhouse of something, it’s an electric shock of nostalgia

That my body forces on me despite my moved on mental regalia.

 I really don’t understand it and it scares me to my bones

That I’ll never see it clearly; that it’s just mismatching stones.

That the pain was just too great and the love was just too small…

That the love was just too great and the pain the consequential fall.

OR maybe I just remember, a hint of a familiar feeling,

Of something that was once terrific and hilarious and healing.

Maybe I remember not the sting or the rejection

But also that idyllic good, that perpetual affection?

And my body in expectation of that awesome blissful time

Pauses the universe for one second to experience the sublime

It’s my inherent physical reaction, like the nervous system has been willed,

Against my honest wishes to recall perfection perfectly distilled.

…and god it makes me angry, and god it makes me mad

Cause I need to shed the shackles, I didn’t know I was still clad.

i just can't seem to find the right image for this.  but I'm doing this play in New Haven...a play about love...about letting go...and the ferocity of it all. magic.  Italian American Reconciliation.  Shanley, our author, has a hoard of broken hearted muses so true, so brutal, so hysterical....I wonder will I ever be courageous enough to be this stupid again? Aw...aunt may:)  Come see my play and it will all make sense:)  click here to buy tix;)

Can't we just all get along?

Arachnophobia

I eat the bugs that make you mad. I eat them all the time. 

So stop swatting at me when I swear to you, I’ve done no kind of crime.

I’m not an evil spider just a living can of raid. 

And if you do get rid of me, you’ll wish that I had stayed. 

Cause what makes you feel all icky, is just my appetizer,

and while my webs are sticky, I know you’re no bug sympathizer. 

You see we could work together be pals or at least a team.

Oh common, you’re so much bigger, shouldn’t I be the one to scream?  

my theorhetical picture book will have a friendly spider maybe holding out an olive branch or something to a boots shaking type of kid...I'm mean this kid is totally freaking out... standing on top of a chair trying to get away... oh the little loser:)  mind you i used to throw encyclopedias on top of bugs to kill them.  "Why is that encyclopedia on the floor, lisa?  Were you looking something up..." surprise! icky:) 

awww...remember charlotte?

and then there was this...

Science: hell yes.

Electrons:

I really do love this silence, the grace of gods’ within her. 

Silence is clearly a woman, right? Sexy smart and sinister.

I’m sure it’s her daughter, Darkness, that adds a special flare

To that thick feeling: stillness, the trick of the bustling airJ  

furthering my hypothesis, this photo is titled "Electrons Excite Particles in the Atmostphere." awesome. And the colors this creates is called an "aurora" which makes me just delighted in regards to sleeping beauty. and i can't figure out why i can't take off the underlining. grrr. anyway. my point? science is so satisfyingly sexy.

Love 3

Jaded

I fell in love once, it was probably a big mistake

Like the belly ache you get after you eat an entire cake

Like the morning after hangover that felt like it’d never go away

Like the nun who fucked the priest who then found she couldn’t pray

Like the man who climbed the hill just to see another

Like the sister who killed herself so she could save her brother

I don’t know anymore if it’s worth it, I know it’s certainly not sane

To crave an expectation that overcomes your brain.

To crave a state of awareness so keen your bones go weak

To crave a situation in which you become the freak.

And…

I know there’s more to love than this grave apprehension

I know it’s the spice of life, it’s godly intervention

But I didn’t get it wrong that time, I once grasped at the real thing

And it shattered me to pieces, I still have a broken wing

So…

Love, you ask, love you say? Sure, I know it’s there.

But to survive it nowadays, I bargain with a sure-to-end-love care…

See, I always wear my warmers; my reflexes are nice and ready

To leap at a moment’s notice if a He is anything less than steady.

I trust my intuition. I’m generally spot on.

I preemptively always know before a He will move a pawn

So am I getting hopeful now?  Is the spark not completely dead?

I do want there to be a possibility for this heartbroken head.

Oh it’s funny. Love, come on! I mused you so wittily out of existence.

But the hope of you still has me, despite my mindful sad resistance.

Love love love, love love love.

You’re the greatest thing in the world.

I will always feel most true to that

Like how naturally my hair is super curled…

creepy baby says it all...

hoarders, the 1st grade version

Cecilia

Hello, my name is Celilia!

I have lots of memerobilia.

I like to play, then stow it away,

Cause I might really REALLY NEED it one day.

I don’t mind if the day never comes,

So long as nobody calls me dumb,

Cause if it starts to pour and rain,

While everyone else goes insane,

I’ll be singin’ the I told you so game!

me thinks this doll sends the wrong message...

and i'm blaming this wrong message for my uncanny ability to hang onto so very many t-shirts.  "How could i get rid of that one," i cry, "it's from the battle of the bands!!!" or "that shirt might be totally perfect for an audition i might have one day!" or "awww that shirt is sentimental...something...well, something good happened in it. gotta keep it!" yikes.

Spirituality 2

The agnostic pigeon?

There was this pigeon with no religion

And he didn’t have much to say

And sometimes he envied the pigeons with faith,

Cause they seemed so filled with style and grace.

With strength and security and honest maturity.

With direction and meaning, they didn’t stress about spring cleaning.

But rather they doted on the life here after,

They had peace and no curiosity about that super high rafter.

Still somehow he couldn’t buy into it all

And questioning them was like engaging a wall.

So fed up one day this pigeon flew away. 

He flew so far to a place you couldn’t get to with even a car!

Who knows what he did while he was gone

But when he came back it was like a civilization dawn.

He’d turned white as light.

And had clearly lost his itchy plight.

He was no longer annoyed didn’t feel the need to question

He’d just relaxed under some NEW direction.

Maybe he’d touched the sun?  did what the poor sparrow couldn’t.

Maybe he’d finally found god, found answers to all the shoulds and shouldn’ts.

All were in awe of his new self.

It seemed a vision of spiritual wealth!

An embodiement of good…an embodiment of clean, an embodiment of everything extraordinary and serene.

I still wonder to this day what the pigeon was doing

I wonder how he changed so much to stop all his poo pooing.

And when he was interviewed the day after last

A fear took hold of me inappropriately fast

For he claimed he didn’t now, nor never believed

And I was kind of shocked to see I felt utterly relieved.

See, I never really waxed hard on what it was that I actually thought

And now I’m scared I’ll need to fly away and question what I’ve been taught.

me hugging the agnostic pigeon. clearly.

Public Transportation and Spirituality:

Subway

Millions of people have sat where I sit.

Millions of people all dimly lit

I wonder if there’s some cosmic design

To where I have sat…our communal behind.

pretty sure this cat knows the answer...

pretty sure cats were gods in ancient egypt...

feeling very tom robbins right now...

aw man! remember when all we all read was tom robbins!? 

Oh how i loved thee, Still Life With Woodpecker...

if you, reader, follow me here, you're probably awesome.

if you don't, that's ok, you're probably still awesome cause you're actually reading this.